**Disclaimer: If you are sensitive about racial/Black issues, please do not read this post. And if you have something negative to say, please keep it to yourself. Thank you.**
Hey Everyone,
Hope you all are doing lovely and feeling great!!
Yes, this post is definitely a stray from my usual fashion or beauty related post. I wanted to share with you all something that has been on my mind for some time.
What is it to be a dark-skinned woman in this world?
Growing up, I had major problems with self-identity, mainly because of the
color of my skin. I was a
dark-skinned female in an era where being dark-skinned was
not considered "beautiful". There were people throughout my lifetime that made me feel subordinate because of the color of my skin.
I've had guys and girls tell me that
"I'm pretty for a dark-skinned girl." What does that mean?! Does it mean that automatically a woman not considered pretty because she's dark-skinned? Lol...people kill me!
Students in my graduate program and myself. I blocked out their faces because I didn't ask their permission to be put on the blog.
As I have matured in age, I have come to accept myself and I am
proud to be a beautiful dark-skinned woman! I know who I am... I am a child of God,
fearfully and
wonderfully made. But sometimes my former struggles with identity come to haunt me. I am the only Black female in my graduate program (as you can see in the image above) and sometimes I do feel uncomfortable. For example, although I was doing exceptionally well in my classes, a White professor at my academic institution told me that I didn't deserve to be there. That made me wonder if my race, or my skin color had anything to do with his statement.
Image Cred: Organicbeautyvixen.com
I'm so tired of the dark-skinned vs. light-skinned war. One of my male twitter friends tweeted that light-skinned girls are better than dark-skinned girls. There is also this supposedly straight male that
tweeted he'd rather have sex with a man than a dark-skinned woman. He did add the #nohomo hashtag to the end of this tweet...but I don't think that did too much damage control. When I see/read things like this, I just laugh at the ignorance. Oh, lets not forget to mention, both of the males are dark-skinned themselves.
I feel like every dark-skinned woman has a
story about the unfortunate societal issues she has faced because of her skin color. There is this new documentary entitled "
Dark Girls" that explores the "stigma" behind being a dark-skinned Black women in society. Below is a preview of the film. I was so captivated by it. I can identify with the stories of all the women in the preview. I missed the New York screening , but I cannot wait until it is released on DVD so I can watch the full documentary. Even if you are not a dark-skinned Black woman, please support this documentary. The preview alone is very eye-opening. To find a screening of the movie near you, click
here.
With that said...my dark-skinned ladies
love yourself and
know your worth!! Don't let anybody put you down because of the color of your skin! There is this awesome book called
The Skin I'm In by Sharon G. Flake. Although some will call it a kiddie book, it was one of those books that was really helped me overcome my struggles with identity. It's about the hardships that a young dark-skinned girl overcomes and her journey towards accepting and loving herself . I highly suggest that everyone reads this book, especially if you are a dark-skinned female. I read
The Skin I'm In the summer before I attended high school and it really helped me learn to accept myself for who I am!
Hope you enjoyed this post!
xoxo
-Cherrie <3
P.S. If you are a dark-skinned woman who would like to be featured on CherrieAmore, email me at Cherrie.Amore@gmail.com. Im starting a new series that features dark-skinned women!
Oh what a great post! First, you are beautiful! Not for a this or that...just beautifil! PERIOD! Point blank! I never could understand that statment.
ReplyDeleteAlong with my darker skin, I grew up with full lips and got teased allllll the time. It took me a long time to learn to love and appreciate both my skin color and my lucious lips...lol
It is amazing how society has so much say as to what is beautiful but then says beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Geez, let me stop here because I will type a full book on this subject.
Again, loved the post!
~Tavia
www.ninetofly.blogspot.com
Thank you my dear! Yes its really unfortunate how society has set these standards of "beauty". Its so crazy, but sadly I think its something that will always be prevalent. Like yourself, it did take me some time to appreciate my skin color. You are beautiful! Thanks for reading.
DeleteWell don't pay them no mind dear,u r absolutely beautiful and have a gorgeous body. We were all created in e image of God who are those fools to differentiate what's beautiful or not. Its such a shame when I hear my fellow black sister going thru these things seriously. I must say I have been very blessed to mix with all races@work,school,in my personal life but never come across so much hate. For those that don't know Black is beautiful!
ReplyDeleteGreat post babe,keep ur chin up&dont let nobody bring u down coz u r beautiful regardless ur colour
Hey Sharon! Thank you so much for your lovely compliments. Oh and trust me...I am paying them absolutely no mind. I know who I am, and struggles with identity is a part of my past. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I appreciate you reading. xoxo
DeleteI've always been the "black girl" in a sea of faces in school and I know there was a stigma attached to my skin complexion but I never gave it much merit.
ReplyDeleteI just flutter around like it's all good and eventually people would treat me that way.
I love that! Set the standards of how you want to be treated and people will treat you that way.
Deletewonderful post love you and your blog very well said. love you're self you're beautiful no matter what!!!
ReplyDeleteHey Jeimy! Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words. Love you and your blog too!
DeleteOMGGGGGGGGGGG great minds think alike this was going to be my topic of the day for next week. I get so sick of hearing ur pretty "to be dark skinned".........that annoys the hell out of me.
ReplyDeletewww.style4curves.blogspot.com
Yes great minds sure do think alike. Girl people are so ignorant...it annoys me to the pits!
DeleteI know exacly how you feel. I am a yellow skinned, nappy headed puerto rican. Yes i said "Nappyy"... Growing up all of my puertorican cousins looked like J.Lo, Shakira and Ricky Martin. So i got teased a lot as i am yellow, chunky and have very course hair. A lot of times beauty is only skin deep and it has taken me 33 years to realize this. You are beautiful (period). As am i and for the record i love my hair cause God created it specially for me.
ReplyDeleteSol Z. Fontanez
www.fashion1psychology.wordpress.com
Yes hunny you are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made by God. He made you and saw perfection! It shouldnt matter what others think about you...as long as you know yourself thats all that matters. Nobody else can define who you are. Embrace your coarse hair, yellow skin, and curvy shape! Thank you for reading and sharing that with me! :)
Deletei love this post! being created by God puts us all on the same level. the ignorant minds who believe that there are those who are better simply because they are lighter are usually self hating people. we are all beautiful, especially because we are so varied in our wonderful shades of skin tones! you are beautiful. period. :)
ReplyDeleteYes that is so true. God created us all equal...no one is better than the other because of the shade of their complexion or their race. But society has made up their mind that race and skin color defines your value. Forget society! lol. Thank you so much for reading and your kinds words!! :)
DeleteThis is a wonderful post! You are beautiful just the way you are! As I always tell my 2 dark skin daughters, God made black women in all different shades of beauty!
ReplyDeleteJackie ;)
Hey Jackie! Thank you for reading and for your lovely compliment :). Yes God sure did. Skin color does not define beauty. Its important that your girls know that they should NEVER feel inferior because of their skin color...I'm so happy that you are letting them know that!
DeleteAwesome post. I can relate because I'm 100% Mexican and people tell me "You're pretty for being Mexican"...what?! Baffling...but then again, not really.
ReplyDeleteCarolina!! I know thats you girl lol! Thank you so much for reading. Yes the words that comes out of people's mouths can be so dumb. Being pretty or beautiful doesn't depend on your race, shape, skin-color etc.
DeleteGirl, I've been called everything under the book. But who cares? I'm grateful God blessed me from a very young age to not care about racial and ignorant slurs like that. My bf is darker than I am and I think darker complexions have the most amazing skin. I stay going to the beach during the summer just to get darker. Darker skin color is so rich and looks so good in clothing! The whole concept behind not liking certain skin colors boggles my mind. But to each their own. Love yourself and laugh at the negativity. God loves you - that's all that matters :)
ReplyDeleteCandy
www.tayloranddemolish.com
Hey pretty lady! Yes I have been called so many mean things as well. With time, God taught me to ignore the hate and not let it hinder me in my life. Yes girl that is so true...black dont crack lol. And you are so right...all that matters is the love of God, and since He made me, I know that he loves me. Thanks for reading!
DeleteYES!!!! And you know that comment is just as offensive to me as a light skinned woman. If a guy tells me that "they don't date dark skinned women" or something equally as ignorant, I have responded with "And I don't date ignorant men" and not called or gone out with them again! We have come a long way, but the fact of the matter is - many ppl still speak about dark skinned women being beautiful DESPITE skin color instead of being beautiful BECAUSE of their beautiful skin color. Awesome post!
ReplyDeleteLol I like how you roll hunny! And I am so glad that as a light-skinned women you find it offensive as well. We all should support each other in this issue. Thank you so much for reading and for your comment!
DeleteI love all complexions, but my chocolate brothers and sisters I find absolutely beautiful....its ashame how this world can be even within our own nationality BUT when you surround yourself by good people and push out the negative, close minded immature ones it makes all the difference...Stay lovely and confident...
ReplyDeleteThe color complex issues within the Black race is a total disappointment. We should all support each other! We've come too far to put each other down because the color of our skin. And yes Mrs Jay, you are so right. When you set your minds on positive things, you will become a positive being. Thank you for your kinds words and encouragement!
DeleteThis is a great post.. and Yes I completly relate.. My Blog Name is actually stemmed from this very topic.. One of my close girlfriends on more than one occasion told me "you're so pretty to be dark" because of our closeness I never took it to heart, but as many of us growing up I struggled with self esteem issues related to my complexion. I've come to love my dark skin tone and wouldn't change it for the world. I think is sexy and regal and many of "them" secretly want to be on this dark smooth chocolate hue.. and wont admit it LOL. You are as beutiful as they come, no matter your skin tone!! From one Beautiful Dark Black WOman to another.. Keep Doing You GIrl!!
ReplyDeleteToni
Hey lovely. Thank your for reading and I am so glad you can relate. You know whats funny...as soon as I read your blog name I knew that it had something to do with the color complex in the Black community. This is what drew me to your blog. Lol, I too believe that many want to have smooth and darker complexions. My boss (who is White) told me that she wishes she had skin like mine so she could wear all the different color clothing that I wear. At first, I started to take what she said the wrong way...but then I just let it go. Thank you for your kinds word You already know that you're gorgeous, so I dont have to even mention it. :)
DeleteAwesome post! You're beautiful just because! I can't believe your professor told you that! I've heard similar remarks here and there and it's so sad that our own people want to keep each other down! Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHey Trice. Thank you for your kind words! My professor is just a bitter person. Its very unfortunate that we put each other down...but thats the standards of society. We gotta do better!
DeleteWow! I feel like I could have written this post myself! I am a dark-skinned woman. Growing up, there were many of my own people who teased me for being dark. It's a good thing my parent instilled me with confidence in pride in my appearance, and I never felt less than beautiful. As I have gotten older, I have come to realize that the whole dark skin vs light skin debate is steeped in ignorance, and disparaging statements regarding skin color often come from ignorant people...me and my dark skin are too good to even associate with these types. You are beautiful sister! And not just for a dark-skin girl! Excellent and timely post!
ReplyDeleteI love how you said that you and your dark skin are too good to associate with those types!! Whooo I love it! lol. My mom always told me to know who I am and don't let anybody tell me different. But we all have to go through things throughout our lifetime to make us stronger. I feel like the struggles I had when I was younger with self identity helped shaped me into the woman I am today. I love my skin and I am so thankful that God chose to bless me with a beautiful dark complexion. You are beautiful too my dear! Thank you so much for reading!
DeleteWhat a great post! So glad you touched on this topic because I too HATE to hear people make that dreadful infamous statement, "She's cute for a dark-skinned girl"...Ignorance at it's finest and shows the self-hatred within our community. I can not tolerate or entertain any man that makes such stupid statements....it's ranked up there with the other one i hear a lot, "She's pretty for a Big girl!" Really?! I can't......
ReplyDeleteRoni
Oh and one more thing...please tell me you documented and reported that Professor......unbelievable! smh....
ReplyDeleteRoni
Hey Roni girl! Thanks for reading. Yea I dislike when people say shes pretty for a big girl too!!! Its so stupid. So you're telling me that just because a girl is curvy, dark-skin, has coarse hair, etc., shes not automatically considered beautiful or pretty?! People's ignorance kills me. But we actually needs people like that in society to help us distinguish what is morally right or wrong. As for the professor, I didn't report him. At the time, I didn't take it too seriously and I still don't. Hes the one with the problem, not me. He is just very bitter.
DeleteGirl I can totally understand your frustration. I'm a darker skin woman and use to feel very unattractive when I was younger because of it. I use to be call some of the worst names. I've grown to love my darker skin. Its still hard sometimes but I know who I'am and wouldn't change it for anything. I've had tons of white men tell me to my face I don't like black woman but you are goregous. What the hell. Like you said its like people automatically think if you are a dark black woman we aren't considered attractive. And for your professor I would truly ask him whar the hell he meant by that comment.
ReplyDeleteGirl you are so beautiful. You have gorgeous skin! Its really unfortunate how people say "you're pretty for a _____ girl", but dont let their stupidity phase you. My professor is a mess. I had him my first semester of grad school and I'm glad i dont have to see him or take any of his classes. He was very bitter...he had problems with the university and I guess he took it out on me...idk. Like my dad said...hes a jackass lol. He has personal issues he needs to fix.
DeleteWow your post brought me to the brink of tears. We live in such a psycho ignorant world. To think that a dark skinned man would say that is just atrocious.
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful darling and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Be proud of your skin and carry it as a badge of honour.
Hey hunny! Thank you so much for reading. Im also glad that this post touched you in some way. Yes society is crazy...but Im glad that all of us are not that way. Thank your for your kinds words and encouragement. I am dark and I'm proud!! :)
DeleteThis is my first time visiting your blog and the fist post of yours I've read. As a lighter skinned black woman, I share the same sentiments as many of the dark(er) skinned women who commented on this post. It is egregious that "we" (members of the African Diaspora) perpetuate such foolishness within our communities. I don't see skin (tone) when I see a black person; I'm more concerned about a person's CHARACTER! As I continue to mature, my motto is: "If you've got an issue, take it up with God because He made me like this." I am so happy that you made your disclaimer and publicly addressed what can be a taboo issues. Lord willing, the ignorant people who embrace such a philosophy will read this post and be enlightened. Oh and seriously - YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! I can't wait to read/see more from you...(P.S. I second "Style & Poise's" commnet re: the professor. Please update us to confirm that you reported him.)
ReplyDeleteHey lady! Welcome and thank you so much for reading! I too am more concerned with a person's character. Character>looks. You can be the most handsome male or most beautiful women, but if your character is ugly, you are too. Lol I love your motto. I feel like a lot of people's ignorance stems from personal problems. They need to ask God to help them get it together! Im hoping that people who perpetuate the color complex issues in the Black race (and other races) somehow read this post and are enlightened. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement!! As for the professor, I never reported him. The comment was said to me my first semester of grad school and I really didn't take it to heart...but it did make me wonder if my race had something to do with it. I am sure that he would have never made that comment if I was a White student. But I believe in karma...so eventually the comment that he made will come back to him.
DeleteYea I've heard this many times! It never phased me in any way though ... because it was mainly black people saying it. Where i grew up black and white wasnt really an issue so I never really had to deal with any stereotype sor anything. If you werent dark skin, you were the odd one out!
ReplyDeleteWow! Where did you grow up? I actually feel that its worse when a Black person says it because I we should support each other and show a sense of community. Thank you so much for reading! xoxo
DeleteHi! google is listing me as unknown for some reason but my name is Bonnie- not trying to remain anonymous! I am not black but I can really relate to this. I have dark hair and eyes and my best friend growing up was a blonde. I can't tell you how often adults said, "I bet you wish you had blonde hair like your friend". I got the message loud and clear that my hair was not as pretty as hers. Add to that the fact that at the time all barbies and baby dolls were blonde. I spent years wishing I was born with " better" hair than I had. When my own children were young, they asked for the black version of dolls because they thought they were prettier. From this post I'd say there are some adults out there who could take a lesson from them!
ReplyDeleteHey Bonnie! Complexes like this occur in all different races and ethnic groups and I feel its so stupid! BTW, im sure your hair is much prettier than your friend's hair...I think dark hair is so beautiful!!! Its so cute how your daughters wanted to play with the black version of dolls. And I totally agree, people who support these complex issues should definitely take note!
DeleteI absolutely love this post and am proud of you for sharing your story. I think its amazing that you have been able to shake off alot of the stress associate with being a dark skinned woman in the world because, speaking from personal experience, it gets exhausting. But the more we speak honestly about this issue, the more it gets addressed. You are beautiful!! The end, lol.
ReplyDeleteHey LaToya. Thank you! It really does get exhausting. But I believe that everything comes to make us stronger. You are beautiful too girl! xoxo
DeleteLove you Cherrie and I am LOVING this post. The first time that I met you my sister and I spoke about how beautiful you are and more importantly your drop dead GAWJUS skin tone. I don't consider myself dark skin or light skin- I am just me! I don't have no time for the non-sense. Just wanted to say that I think that this new feature will be a hit and wish you the best of luck in all that you do, you are FIERCE!
ReplyDelete~Bobbie
Ahhh Bobbie I love you too. You and Meesh are the BOMB! Thank you for the well wishes. We must hang out soon. You guys are so sweet!
DeletePeople are so ridiculous. Im a light skinned Mexican who went to an all white school and everyone thought I was "dark" just cause of my hair color. It bugs me so much that people stereotype skin color, mexicans come in all colors, super dark to red heads and blondes. And there is not just one shade of black. Im just happy I never had to go to tanning salons and waste my money on tanning products like all these other idiots. I tan naturally and dont care how dark I get.
ReplyDeleteIts crazy that everyone thought that you were "dark" just because of your hair. The thought-processes and the logic of certain people just make me wonder sometimes... And you are so right, people waste hundreds of dollars to have skin like ours! I love your confidence!
DeleteThis is beautiful girl. i'm so GLAD that you have created this discourse this the blogger world. It's overdue so THANK YOU!!
ReplyDeleteThank you hun! I appreciate it so much!
DeleteOMG, I love it! I had to call a CEO at my company out once because he said "you are extremely beautiful and speak so eloquently for a black woman". I had to let him know...that was a backhanded compliment if I'd ever hear one. I told him I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, because I do not think it meant to offend me...however, you cannot compliment ME at the expense of ALL black women. SMH. Anyhoo, you have a new follower! Loving it so far!
ReplyDeleteWith Class & Sass,
~Khalilah~
Hey Boobie!!
ReplyDeleteoh my I'm so late to your WONDERFUL MOVEMENT due to moving, no internet. uurrg...well, I'M BACK (I even had this comment drafted :) ........This was such a lovely unbais post. I Too can relate to the harsh realities of this ignorant world, namely that signature quote "Youre pretty for a ....". And chile, let me tell you, even at a very young age that dumb comment had me laughing.....at THEM! fortunately, for me, experiences throughout my life did not plauge me like others, because my 3rd eye was always open---and I was always too in to discovering things on myself to ever think otherwise. Girl I even enjoy tanning! :) but I do know the horrors are still prevalent, for many in our communities, due to media, music and self hate. Like that silly professor, huh?! I think I'd go that extra mile in ahem.....exposing him....I'll sign the petition! Ive caught a significant part of The dark Skin Girls film; although touching and relate-able, I don't think I'm going to break my neck to go see it. I rather promote the Williams Lynch letter/address to ALL people because "those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it". and that's all we're really doing. Mainly like those @idiots on your twitter timeline and other BEAUTIFUL ADULT CHOCOLATE WOMEN who are STILL having a hard time with the public and may be 2nd guessing themselves. It's like you said Cherrie, don't let ANYBODY MAKE YOU THINK TWICE. People PAY to replicate your entire look, especially, from head to toe!! shoot can I look like you!) you're GORGEOUS. we just have to "teach the babies" now, I'm so over trying to heal some of us [Adults. Too far gone] But i'll totally recommend that book to some of my students....Now let me go submit to this FLY FEATURE
I am not 'dark skinned' per se but trust me, I have been in plenty situations where I was the darkest in the room (despite the fact that I am lightskinned) and I felt like an outsider. As a light-brown person I have been treated like an outcast in a room full of non-brown people (who referred to me as darkskin btw because I was not of fair caucasion complexion) and for a long time it bothered me. But once I realized that people's ignorance is their problem not mine, I stopped giving an F! Keep your head up girl!
ReplyDelete